A return to love

A return to love

My fourth baby will be turning 1 in a blink of an eye. I’m not sure how it all went so fast. I’ve been in a love bubble since having him. When I look at him, when I kiss him and hold him I get a flutter in my heart that words honestly can not describe. In the book, A Return to love, Marianne Williamson says, ““Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.”

Whenever I feel separate from “love” which take forms in many ways…jealousy, anger, resentment, frustration, overwhelm. I think of Bodhi and the bliss I feel in his presence. To me, babies are cosmic creatures and I when I’m with him I feel a little closer to Spirit. He is not bogged down with learned behaviors and all the pain and suffering that makes us pull away and become our own separate little islands. I think a part of me grows scared that as he grows, we too, will feel separate from each other and that “love bubble” will be gone. The bliss I feel around him is addictive. The truth is, and having more babies to sustain the bubble of love and bliss isn’t an option. So, I will have to begin seeing that same love in everyone I encounter. Will it be easy? Some of the time. When its not, I will have to trust that I am witnessing something unhealed in myself and do the work to heal it.

I can already see the islands forming with my 6 and 8 year old children. They are experiencing BIG emotional changes, they are leaving the gates of early childhood where everything is filled with wonder. During early childhood (0-7) they are so tapped into the universal spirit. Around 6 and 7  a shift in consciousness begins, all of a sudden things don’t look so rosy and wonder-full anymore. Mom and Dad aren’t super heroes that can make everything all better. They begin feeling in between worlds. This is when their islands form, this is when the work gets REAL. The work that comes with the babies and toddlers is hard, don’t get me wrong. It is a physical work toting them around, feeding them, keeping them safe. The next seven years is the emotional work and it will bring up so much stuff that is lingering under the surface in yourself. I find myself digging deep, meditating and devouring spiritual books. I used to look to parenting books but I now know that it is my own inner work that will get me through. My practice to chose love and bounce back from the negative feelings and lighting the way for them is what is called for right now. I’m so committed  and I’m so grateful to my sweet Bodhi, my little guru, for reminding me what it feels like to return to love.

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